There’s a long-running stereotype in queer culture that “exes always stay friends.” A recent Taimi survey of 1,404 LGBTQ+ respondents puts real numbers behind the idea. Only 32% believe the stereotype is true, yet 60% of LGBTQ+ respondents stay in contact with exes — and many remain in touch with more than one.

This finding challenges the common belief that any ongoing contact with an ex is automatically a red flag. In 2026 dating, especially within LGBTQ+ communities, the reality is more nuanced. The real question isn’t simply whether someone stays in touch with an ex. It’s what that contact looks like, why it exists, and whether it prevents them from showing up fully in a new relationship.

Angelika Koch, relationship and dating expert at Taimi, breaks it down clearly and helps separate healthy connection from lingering attachment.

Why Staying in Contact With an Ex Gets Labeled a Red Flag

For many people (and many dating coaches), ongoing contact with an ex signals trouble letting go. It can create confusion, blurred boundaries, and emotional leftover energy that spills into new relationships.

Koch notes that being friends with an ex often becomes problematic when boundaries are weak or nonexistent. Examples include sharing personal feelings, saying “I miss you,” or discussing intimate details of a current relationship. In those cases, the ex can quietly become a backup option or an emotional safety net.

However, the Taimi data shows that contact itself is common enough that it shouldn’t be treated as an automatic dealbreaker. Context matters far more than the simple fact of staying in touch.

What Healthy Contact With an Ex Actually Looks Like

Healthy contact is limited, purposeful, and low-emotion. Koch describes it as amicable communication about necessary topics — for example, co-parenting or shared practical matters after a longer relationship.

Clear boundaries are essential:

• No deep emotional check-ins
• No “I miss you” or nostalgic flirting
• No venting about your current partner or sharing intimate relationship details
• No daily or high-frequency texting that feels more like a primary friendship or emotional affair

When contact is rare, respectful, and transparent, it is far less likely to harm a new relationship.

Why Ex Culture Often Looks Different in LGBTQ+ Communities

In smaller or more interconnected dating pools, complete no-contact is sometimes unrealistic. Queer communities can be tight-knit. People share friend groups, social scenes, chosen family, and spaces. Cutting someone off entirely can create more drama than maintaining polite, distant civility.

The survey reflects a range of patterns: some people stayed in regular contact right away, others reconnected as friends after a cooling-off period, some resumed contact much later, and others kept only sporadic touch. A notable pattern: trans respondents were the most likely to successfully turn a former romantic relationship into a platonic friendship. This highlights the strong value many in the trans community place on safe, trusted, close-knit support networks.

Koch emphasizes that when an ex remains in the same social circle, the healthier move is often to build your own subgroup within that circle — hosting dinners or gatherings that create space free from the ex — rather than demanding total erasure.

Better Questions Than “Are You Still in Touch With Your Ex?”

“Are you still in contact with your ex?” is too blunt and not very revealing. Better questions uncover the emotional reality:

• Is your ex still part of your regular social circle?
• Do you just like each other’s posts and swap the occasional meme, or do you have long, personal conversations?
• Does your current partner know about the contact?
• How long has it been since the breakup?
• What is the actual reason you stay in touch?

Koch’s guidance is practical: recent breakups that immediately turn into close friendship with no other ties (children, business, long history) are more concerning. Contact that begins years later after real healing is usually much lower risk.

When Contact With an Ex Crosses Into Red-Flag Territory

Frequency and emotional depth are the real indicators.

• Occasional “happy birthday” or rare practical messages → usually fine
• Daily texting, sharing good news with the ex before your current partner, emotional venting, or keeping them as a secret → clear red flags

Sharing major life updates (promotions, personal wins, deep feelings) is an intimate act. If someone consistently chooses their ex for that intimacy over their current partner, it signals divided emotional energy.

The key test: Does the contact prevent the person from being fully present, available, and committed to the new relationship?

Are There Green Flags in Staying in Contact With Exes?

Yes. Some people who maintain limited contact with exes demonstrate emotional maturity. They may be less prone to grudges, better at amicable endings, and more capable of compartmentalizing. An amicable breakup that later becomes a low-key friendship can reflect good conflict resolution and self-awareness — both attractive qualities.

The green-flag version usually includes full transparency with a new partner, firm boundaries, and no leftover romantic charge.

Practical Takeaways for Daters in 2026

1. Don’t treat “stays in touch with exes” as an automatic red flag. Dig deeper.
2. Focus on boundaries, frequency, emotional content, and transparency.
3. In interconnected communities, total no-contact is not always realistic or necessary.
4. Recent, intense, or secretive contact deserves more scrutiny than old, distant, friendly contact.
5. The most important question is whether the past relationship is still occupying space that should belong to the present one.

If you’re dating, get clear on your own boundaries first. Decide what level of ex contact feels respectful to you, then communicate it calmly rather than accusing.

Final Thoughts

The Taimi survey shows that 60% of LGBTQ+ respondents stay in contact with exes in some form. That number doesn’t make every case healthy — but it does prove that contact alone is too blunt a metric.

In 2026, mature dating means looking at the quality of the connection, the boundaries around it, and the emotional honesty involved. Some ex contact is leftover longing. Some is simple human decency or practical necessity. Some is genuine platonic friendship after real healing.

The difference is everything.

Do you stay in contact with any of your exes? Where do you draw the line?
Share your honest experience in the comments — the more real stories we collect, the more useful this conversation becomes.

Want more practical dating guidance?
Explore these related resources:

• Red Flags and Green Flags in Online Dating
• How to Set Healthy Boundaries Early
• Online Dating Safety Tips
• Best Dating Apps for Meaningful Connections 2026
• How to Move On After a Breakup

Healthy relationships are built on clarity, not rigid rules. Understanding the difference between lingering attachment and mature contact is one of the more useful skills you can develop.