Zoosk Login An abusive relationship doesn’t start with a slap in the face or a death threat. Violence may even never manifest itself physically. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean the pain and destruction are any less real.
An abusive relationship doesn’t have to be synonymous with femicide to get our attention. Or, at least, we should wake up to this fact and find the true sense of sisterhood, looking more at life, without waiting for tragedies to open up what we minimize.
An abusive relationship can happen to anyone — or anyone. Beautiful people, fun, good with life, educated, healthy… Strong and well-resolved women. Yes, you can find all these attributes in an abusive relationship victim.
We start with that point because breaking ZooskLogin the stereotype is the premise of this conversation. We need to dissociate domestic violence from quasi-pejorative scenarios and actions.
Whenever we think that only a punch gives away and that aggression is only experienced by ignorant, vulnerable, naive or submissive people, we experience the place of the aggressor more than the victim.
You may have been in—or are in—an abusive relationship, but you never thought of it that way. Maybe you see people close to you experiencing a situation like Zoosk Login this. In this post, we want to show you how to spot the signs, as a slap is never the first to come.
Too much “love”
It may seem paradoxical, but it is common in reports of abusive relationships . The abuser has a certain pattern of behavior . And, in this pattern, the ability to seduce stands out.
The abuser can be an extremely romantic, gentle, voraciously passionate guy. He is able to erect an impressive pedestal and place his chosen one on top, nurturing female self- esteem in a unique way.
Exaggerated manifestations, “proofs of love” and big declarations are beautiful, we all know that! But know how to see when they are spontaneous and when they are there to divert our attention.
Be careful not to confuse crumbs with feasts. Early in a relationship, it can be more difficult to discern between a romantic breakup and a red flag. Zoosk Login However, when Shad Base these episodes happen in a consolidated relationship, it is worth thinking about it.
When should we perceive “excess” as a warning? When the days before the “special moment” are narrated as negative, with episodes of fights, humiliation, demands or jealousy .
If romanticism comes to fill holes, beware! It is not love when only one day of the week, or of the month, there is peace. It’s not love when the surprise comes to silence a disagreement, which needs to be resolved.
Gifts, treats and compliments are not demonstrations of love. Attitudes – real, everyday – speak for more than a thousand words.
We cannot look where the abuser wants us to look. Watch the acts. Promises are easy when they don’t have to be kept. In other words, rate yours now. Zoosk Login The quality of a relationship cannot be in its moments of exception, but in its concrete routine.
He wants you to change
Another characteristic of an abusive relationship is the imposition—subtle or not—of changes in behavior.
We are not talking about constructive criticism, which emerges in frank dialogues. Of course, the person you live with can suggest new habits, encourage you to explore new tastes. This is learning, growth, evolution!
However, in a toxic relationship, the suggestions for change take on other tones. They are generally moralists. Or rather, according to the other ‘s criteria of right, good and beautiful .
The abuser will know how to show Zoosk Login his point of view with mastery. He will know how to insinuate how his proposal will benefit the character and Zoosk Login appearance of his victim.
How about losing weight , changing your wardrobe, changing your hair, stopping going to such places and becoming an even more beautiful person?
Well, what does a little adjustment cost, when what’s at stake is a love story, right?
As we said, there are positive changes. Those that, even caused by an outside suggestion, speak to our sense of identity. The problem is when the change is intended to convert us into someone else’s ideal.
There are changes that enhance our personality . Our voice grows, the self becomes more secure and aware of its particularities. And there are changes that cage us, diminish us, nullify our own desires and expressions.
When faced with a change proposal, always ask yourself what it would do for you. How much it reflects your values, your pursuits, your identity. Don’t fit into someone Zoosk Login else’s ideal. If you need to change so much that you cancel yourself out, it’s because you’re not the person your partner is looking for. Nor is he the person you can call a partner.
The abusive relationship is a web – Zoosk Login
This is one of the most recurrent metaphors in reports of abusive relationships. It is interesting to think about it, because, in fact, understanding the web brings us closer to the experience of someone who finds himself entangled by almost invisible bonds – but which paralyze.
A web builds up little by little. Discreetly. Being inconspicuous, as much as you can, makes you more powerful.
A web is not a hungry jaw. But women were taught to identify wolves, not webs… Webs don’t frighten you until they are visible. However, that may be a sign that we have already fallen into them.
All this to assume that, yes, webs are difficult to detect. Zoosk Login Forgive yourself if you fall into the trap and remember that you are human. And when they fall, humans can get up.
But don’t just think about yourself. Zoosk Login Think about the women you know well or barely know. Help to see the webs when given the opportunity. Don’t shut up your impressions. Find discreet ways to address your perceptions. You can.
If you know about abusive dating or abusive relationship in marriage when the story is from the past, don’t judge. Don’t ask how the person didn’t realize it before, Shadbase how he can let the situation go so far… Remember the web: the danger was almost transparent.
Overprotection can be a sign of an abusive relationship
This is one of the web lines. Overprotection can seem like beautiful, generous care. And at first, it won’t do any harm. It will sound like a zeal, which reflects affection and concern .
Recognizing an abusive relationship is complicated precisely because many warning signs are confused with expressions of affection. From a distance, it may even seem easy to spot the difference. But for those who are entangled, the distinction is not so simple.
It is with time that overprotection shows its nefarious side. The solicitous attitude becomes a weapon of blackmail or depreciation. Suddenly, the service is used by the abuser as proof of the victim’s incapacity, a demonstration of his ineptitude in performing simple tasks or knowing how to avoid dangers.
Overprotection diminishes the victim as it increases the power of the aggressor. As a “caregiver” he becomes fundamental for each action, emptying Zoosk Login the victim’s decision-making autonomy.
When someone takes charge of our lives, we give them authority over our choices and validation of our results.
It is important to maintain financial independence, not abandon preferences and friendships for the judgment of others. Who cares, respects. And those who love, admire.
When accepting gestures that indicate overprotection, ask yourself what they mean in terms of your freedom to be and think. If they stifle your opinion, they cannot be interpreted as affection, but rather as signs of manipulation.
Verbal aggression and psychological violence – Zoosk Login
The abusive relationship is a seesaw. Now the aggressor is kind, charming, a passionate devotee. This positive face is what makes the emotional game complex. After all, when humiliation comes from the one she loves so much , she gains airs of reason.
In contrast to the moments of praise, little by little, the derogatory criticism is gaining ground. As they are uttered by such an intimate person, they shake and weaken the identity of those who hear them.
Yes, the aggression and moral violence of an abusive relationship can come in the form of name calling. But they are not always so clear. Subtle comments Zoosk Login are even more powerful because they undermine defenses and disrupt objective interpretation.
So be alert if you notice your partner:
he makes light of his conquests;
ridicules their opinions and tastes;
affirms that only he can love and accept him, the way he is;
asks you to stay away from friends or family ;
makes you feel guilty for his aggressive reactions;
yells or takes out anger on objects;
claims he had an unbalanced attitude because he was stressed or drunk;
manifests jealousy very often and for nonsense;
keeps an eye on your habits, conversations and social networks;
controls your financial life;
prohibits you from wearing any clothes or Zoosk Login walking with a certain company;
keeps apologizing, saying he’s going to change, but doesn’t change the pattern of behavior;
makes you believe that you are responsible for him (his “savior”);
says you’re “crazy” when you put him in check or contradict him, making you question your own sanity and ability to analyze situations;
he manages to impose his will, including forcing sex;
it leaves you insecure, afraid, constantly unhappy and with wounded self-esteem.